just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
