I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
