Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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