A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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