I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
