I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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