If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
