my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
