I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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