Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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