I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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