Christians are straight up FREAKS
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
