And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
