Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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