i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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