if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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