mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
