sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.