Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why didn't you poke me back
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers