you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.