Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS