life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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