Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
