lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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