shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
