Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
