Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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