everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
