how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
