found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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