you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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