Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
