hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
