toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so let's talk penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
