break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
