dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
