I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
