grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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