Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
