I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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