Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
