Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
