my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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