They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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