I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
