I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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