she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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