So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
soo... how was my night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
