Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
