i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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