Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
