moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
