Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
