I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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