I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
