please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
