What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I looked at my own cervix.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
