My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
