the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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