And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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