Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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