we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
