Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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