The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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