only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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