and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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