thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
