Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
