so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
